Mrzekierdzej, 31 marcie 2004 o.

Sejm debates Florida policy

WARSINA (WASP) — Heated discussions in the Sejm during the last few days. The Sejm convened yesterday and on Monday to discuss the government's policies in Florida and the crisis in the relations with the Scandinavian Realm. The government was under heavy attack from both sides of the opposition. According to analysts, a government crisis is far from excluded.

"What business do we have being in Florida anyway?", KRN1 leader Wójt Kramar exclaimed. "Since the end of the Second Great War, we have always lived in peace. Until our government deemed it necessary to meddle with somebody else's wars. And look what happened: we are stuck in some remote banana republic and we have become the laughing stock of the whole world. I say, ladies and gentlemen, we have no business being there at all! I therefore propose we withdraw all our troops from Florida at once."

Other parliamentarians expressed their concern with the costs of the Floridian operation. WPP2 leader Waldemar Pawlicz asked: "Has our esteemed chancellor ever wondered who will pay for all this?" The promise of minister Piniatyk that other coalition members will carry part of the expenses, while Florida itself will pay back some of the expenses in a later stage, could not satisfy him. "Our peasants are facing a difficult year again. Instead of spending millions of talars on a military adventure overseas that nobody here is waiting for, we better spend them on the people who actually worked for them, who need them desperately, and who deserve the fruits of their labour." Pawlicz added: "May I assume that our beloved chancellor is unable to tell us how much the Scandinavian sportsmen have left for us in Florida's musea?"

The camp of critics of the Republic's presence in Florida was joined by one of the nine coalition parties. Kazimierz Leonik, caucus chairman of the WWPS3, said: "We are not happy at all with this military enterprise. Had we been consulted before the government decided to send the army to Florida, we would have blocked that proposal immediately. With all due respect to our Scandinavian friends, it was them who started this war in the first place. What if Latvia starts a war with the NAL or Venezôla? Would that mean that we need to declare war on them as well? Besides, has it ever occurred to any of my esteemed colleagues that the Scandinavian Realm as such is nót a member of the Baltic League at all? It might have been a different story if Sweden or Finland had been invaded, but in this case we were not bound by any obligations related to our League membership." Leonik continued: "We are a neutral country, and I wish to make clear that we cannot support a government that participates in wars at the other end of the globe." Whether the WWPS will effectuate this threat by withdrawing its ministers from the government is not known yet, but if this happens, the LSDDP4 is likely to follow. This would mean that the government loses its parliamentary majority and may be forced to resign.

Severe criticism came also from the right, both Catholic and nationalist, mainly on the government's "weak defense" against the attack earlier this week from Scandinavia's foreign minister Bernstorff. "Since when", DN5 leader Marczół Żowanu asked, "do we obey Scandinavia's orders in our foreign politics? How can we be proud of our country, if we allow other countries to belittle us? And, most importantly, how can we respect a government that lets this all happen?" Żowanu's rage was mainly directed at the dismissal of general Aldendorf as commander-in-chief of the occupational forces in Florida: "Unforgiveable! Each country brings forth a genius every once in a while, a person who helps distinguish his nation from other nations. The RTC has many of such remarkable people, and general Aldendorf is one of them. We should be proud of a man like that, instead of setting him aside because one of our so-called allies cannot appreciate him. Did you know that the Scandinavians even have a word for such behaviour? They call it 'Jante's Law'! And the worst is, it seems to have caught on in our beloved country, too... the leftist press even had the guts to accuse him of 'visiting several musea in Miami with less than honourable intentions'!"

Żowanu is also furious with interior minister Branik for closing down the drafting bureaus for emigration to Florida. "What kind of a country is this?", he asked. "How can a government calling itself 'democratic' use brutal police force against a perfectly legitimate example of private initiative? Only because foreign powers wanted us to!" He concluded: "All in all, a government that allows these things to happen does not deserve our confidence. Therefore, this chancellor and his ministers must go!"

Several proposals have been submitted in the Sejm for the dismissal of the entire government, for the dismissal of individual ministers, and for the withdrawal of the Republic's armed forces from Florida. The deliberations continue, and the vote will probably take place tomorrow or the day after.

1 Confederation for an Independent Republic
2 Venedic People's Party - conservative, agrarian party
3 Venedic Unified Socialist Party
4 Lithuanian Social-Democratic Labour Party
5 National Democracy

Coup in Tobago

SCARBOROUGH, Tobago (WASP) — The small, tropical island of Tobago has been the scene of a coup this morning. A small group of armed civilians, who called themselves the "National Unity Front of Tobago", occupied the town hall of the capital Scarborough, hanged twelve officers from the NAL, took several others as hostages, and proclaimed the independence of the island.

In the vacuum that emerged after the fall of Florida-Caribbea, the future of the Caribbean islands has become uncertain. The most likely solution seems to be the Scandinavian proposal of transferring Florida-Caribbea to Castille-Leon, an idea not every islander is happy with. But Tobago, having no common history with Castille-Leon at all, has found another candidate, namely Latvia. Although Latvia's claim, going back to the 17th century, is weak and little convincing, it seems at least to provide a small contingent of the islands populace, who speak a Latvian-English-French-Native American creole, with a reasonable alternative. With the Floridian governor and his staff gone, and only a small contingent of Commonwealth military presence on the island, all conditions seemed to be fulfilled for a Latvian take-over.

The leader of the NUFT, Vassel Birko, has not issued an official statement yet, but it is expected that he will call upon the two Latvian cruisers that are on their way to Tobago for military back-up. It is unknown what kind of future relationship with Latvia he has in mind.

Batavian queen buried in Delft

DELFT, Batavian Kingdom (WASP) — The former Batavian queen Julienne d'Orange, who died last week at the age of 94, has been laid to rest yesterday in the family grave of the Oranges in the town of Delft. Julienne, who was queen in the years 1948-1980, made herself very popular among the Batavians for her unorthodox approach to protocol; she was commonly known as "the queen on the bike". Among those who attended the funeral ceremony were king Witold and queen Helena.