Jódzej, 10 ugustu 2006 o.

Irish Zone falling apart

MIAMI — Ireland is losing it. After they successfully incorporated Monsterrat two years ago, it has had a very hard time ruling over its Zone of Control. Earlier this year, it became completely clear that Ireland simply lacks the will and the manpower to keep it under its control any longer. And so, one region after another is drifting away. In March, the Keys proclaimed their independence under the ridiculous name "Republika Kączyna"1, and yesterday, a second province seceded from the Irish Zone under the name "Republika Piaracierzyce Sunibel"2. In a disgusting display of weakness, the Irish commandant was forced to sign the autonomy accord.

The worst thing is that Ireland lets it all happen. In order to justify their inability to control their zone, they even invented an ideology, which they call "germanisation". Insiders know perfectly well that it is not because Ireland wants it that badly, but simply because it is unable to think of a better way to disguise its military impotence.

Chancellor Aldendorf has sent a telegram to his Irish colleague, Pádraig Parthalán Ó hEachthairn, in which he offers military assistance in restoring order in the Irish Zone. He also pointed out to the prime minister that the germanisation plan for South Florida, present by the Irish under the name "Liberation Plan", also includes parts of the Governorate-General, which is of course unacceptable by any international standard. He urged Ireland not to take any further action without consulting the other parties involved first.

"The Irish have made quite a mess of their zone", governor-general Bambaryła commented, "and sadly, they have been spying on us as well, as was evidenced recently. But we carry no grudge against them. They are a befriended nation, after all. And let's face it, we have made some mistakes too in the beginning."

1República Conchesa, "Conch Republic"
2República de Cabo Sunnibel