Wnierdzej, 25 ugustu 2006 o.

“Bam-Bam” arrested in Louisianne

BILOXI, Pays-Lointains, Louisianne — The Louisiannan gendarmérie has arrested a citizen of the RTC yesterday on the suspicion of arms trade. Although his identity has not officially been revealed yet, it is almost certainly Maciej Bambaryła, a former professional boxer and brother of governor-general Jużeń Bambaryła of Southeast Florida.

While his older brothers Jużeń and Szczepan pursued careers in the military and the clergy respectively, Maciej “Bam-Bam” Bambaryła had made himself a reputation of a juvenile delinquent. Having spent seven terms in youth prisons, he decided to channel his tendency for excessively violent behaviour in a different fashion: he became a professional boxer. His successes became almost legendary: in 1964 and 1966-69 he was RTC champion at middleweight, in 1968-1970 also at heavyweight. In the years 1969-1972 he won the world title at heavyweight. Although many people found his style dirty — he was a typical brawler — he was considered unbeatable. However, the tide turned after a series of sensitive defeats in Australasia (1972), the NAL and South Africa (1973). Bam-Bam developed an alcohol problem and disappeared from the boxing scene as quickly as he had emerged. Things got even worse for him after 1976 when his sport school in Kordyn bankrupted. Since 1982 he owns a night club in Warsina. Although his name has regularly been linked to organised crime, more specifically to the Olęca Siekrzota1, sufficient evidence for prosecution could never be found.

On Thursday morning, a peloton of gendarmérie surrounded Bam-Bam, while he was meeting an unidentified second person on the terrace of a cafeteria in Biloxi, a Louisiannan exclave surrounded by NAL territory. It is unknown why he was in Biloxi and what he was doing there. There may be a connection with the recent bombings in Rontalon and Grignors. It has also been suggested that Bam-Bam has been selling arms to the FLDS, one of the militias that terrorise Deseret.

Governor-general Bambaryła has not reacted yet. While the government is awaiting further news from Louisianne, it will probably request Bam-Bam's extradition. Given his close connection to a high-ranking RTC official, that would be the only way to avert another diplomatic crisis between our country and Louisianne.

1 “Secret Alliance”, a criminal organisation acting mostly on RTC territory, involved in arms and drugs trade, espionnage, blackmail, terrorism and various other illegal activities.