Mrzekierdzej, 30 ugustu 2006 o.

RTC involvement in “Assassination of the Century”?

WARSINA — Shortly after the spectacular murder of the Louisiannan first-president Jean-François Young and the Japanese empress Aico, rumours have begun to spread about a possible involvement of the RTC in the assault.

It is still uncertain who fired the fatal bullets. The Louisiannan gendarmérie made several arrests after the assault, but they haven't confirmed or denied yet whether they have caught the actual shooter. With investigations still going on, all kinds of hypotheses have been put forward by the world press. Some of these point at the Republic of the Two Crowns as a possible accomplice.

Yesterday, the Louisiannan TV commantator Thomas Horatio la Chappele counted the RTC among what he called “the usual suspects”. “I predict that these are the possibilities bound to become gospel to conspiracy theorists within the next 48 hours: Mitterand's party did it; the Yacuza did it; those folks from East Primorye did it; someone in Chancellor Aldendorf's party was behind it; the Louisianna gendarmerie did it; the Bushes did it – after all they did everything else.” La Chapelle went on to say: “Clearly some hard-liners from Aldendorf's party within the RTC zone-of-control in Florida (Veneds, not Lithuanians nor Ukrainians); probably acting in concert with some of Ouaren Gough's toughs. That's if it wasn't part of a 'disinformation'-type campaign to discredit exactly those people.”

“That is outrageous”, ŻŻŻ leader Kazimierz Janać comments. “Why on Earth would we want to kill president Jung or empress, what's her name... empress Aquicò? What motive could anybody in my party possibly have for such a thing? We have had our problems with these people in the past, but I want to make it crystal clear that they were the leaders of two befriended nations, and we have always considered them as such. I wouldn't be surprised if members of Jung's own party decided to sacrifice him in order to discredit the RTC and derail its manifest destiny.”

Meanwhile, members of the opposition seem to be less sure. “Somehow I wouldn't surprised”, Katarzyna Parydżanka (WWPS) said in an interview. “It might be a logical step in the ŻŻŻ's incredible power hunger. I hope the people will realise that when they vote for a new Venedic Sejm next Sunday.” Witold Ursanik (UD-DS) echoes this opinion: “An interesting scenario, to be sure. It certainly deserves further investigation.” RNDO leader Darko Popczuk went even further: “Seeing how they treat our Ruthenian population, I definitely hold it for possible, even probable. I they are indeed guilty of this heinous crime, I hope the horrible truth will see the light soon. These people are capable of anything.”

The voices of dissent were quickly joined by dr. Żowan Sasomętany of the Inicjaciwa Czywiła Kętra Okupaceń Florydzie. “I don't know whether the ŻŻŻ itself is guilty or not. But our government would have some very good reasons to want to dispose of Young – if only to avert the eye of the world of its own idiotic plans in Southeast Florida. Besides, you undoubtedly remember that governor-general Bambaryła's brother was arrested last week in Louisianne, and that Louisianne is unwilling to extradite him? I assure you that our government is very unhappy with that! Perhaps they just wanted to make it clear that the RTC is a power to be reckoned with. If so, this murder may have been some kind of last warning.”

Another hypothesis, put forward by criminologist Emil Nagarzyny from Siodawa university, also links circles around Bambaryła's brother to the murder. “Everybody knows that Maciej Bambaryła was connected to the Olęca Siekrzota, even though it could never be proven, and everybody knows as well that the Olęca has contacts on the highest levels of our society. Now, the Olęca has plenty of reasons for killing Young. They want Bambaryła back as soon as they can. He knows too much – not only about the Olęca itself, but also about its activities in Southeast Florida in which the governor-general himself may well have played a role.” He continues: “Another, and frankly, even more alarming possibility would be that the world's major organised crime organisations – the Olęca Siekrzota, the Cos Nustr, the Mafia, the Yacuza, the Union Corse, etc. – have finally decided to join forces. If that be the case, then the world should watch its steps, because the power of such a worldwide organisation could be enormous! And at least, that would explain why both the president and the empress were targets. Both had been active fighting corruption and organised crime after all.”

Interior minister Żowanu says he takes all options very seriously. “Our government denies any involvement in the murders. But of course, all options need to be carefully looked into. Rest assured that the ODS will work overtime investigating them.”