Jódzej, 31 ugustu 2006 o.

“Bam-Bam” found dead in Louisianne

PARIS-SUR-MIZOURI (WASP) — Maciej “Bam-Bam” Bambaryła, ex-boxer and brother of the governor-general of Southeast Florida, has been found dead in his cell in Paris-sur-Mizouri last night. He had committed suicide, Yves Bournan of the Louisiannan gendarmérie declared. “How that could happen, we don't know. The matter is currently under investigation”, he said. This was a rectification of an earlier statement by a Louisiannan gendarme, who said that the zeppelin, which was supposed to transport Bam-Bam from Biloxi to Paris-sur-Mizouri, had been raided by a group of armed men possibly connected to the Olęca Siekrzota.

Bam-Bam's name has repeatedly been mentioned in relation to the assassination three days ago of Louisianne's first-president Young and Japan's empress Aico. He was arrested on August 24 in Biloxi by the Louisiannan gendarmérie. Initially, it was assumed that his arrest had something to do with arms dealing, but now it is now widely suspected that Bam-Bam may have played a role in the preparation of the murders. According to some, the murders were a concerted attack by several organised crime groups from all over the world.

“My brother has been eliminated”, governor-general Jużeń Bambaryła told a reporter of the Wucz Florydzie this morning. He denies any involvement of his brother in the Olęca Siekrzota. “It is obvious, isn't it? It's all one big cover-up. Young has been killed by one of his own people, and now they are trying to throw the blame at us. That way, they hope to kill two flies in one hit: nobody will suspect them of what the murders, and they discredit our work here in Florida. But I assure you, that trick won't fly. I'll personally make sure of that.”

Primoryan president warns Japan

VLADIVOSTOK (ITARF) — President Pushkin of the Republic of Primorye has warned Japan not to send troops to the island Carafuto, near the Russo-Japanese Condominium Area. Yesterday, the Ezoan governor of the area (called “Outer Manchuria” by the Japanese), Sacura Haximoto, called upon the Japanese imperial government to mobilise the army in anticipation of an eventual war with Primorye. She accused the government of Primorye of being involved in the murders of empress Aico and president Young. However, she did not reveal any evidence.

“Japan, watch your steps”, Georgi Pushkin said yesterday evening on a press conference. “Any concentration of Japanese troops near our borders will be considered an act of aggression to which we will respond accordingly.” Pushkin categorically denied any involvement in the murders three days ago: “I can assure you, gentlemen, that we have nothing to do with that tragic event whatsoever. Obviously, there are forces at work in Japan that are trying to abuse it for their own political purposes. I am very worried about that.”

Directly after Mrs. Haximoto had made her statement, Pushkin summoned the Japanese ambassador in Khabarovsk to his office and requested Haximoto's immediate replacement. “Cooperation with Japan in East Primorye has always been fruitful. But our governor there, Mr. Zorin, can impossibly work together with a woman who is openly calling for a war with us”, he explained at the press conference. “Let us hope this will blow over forthwith”, he concluded.

During the snorist era, the Russian govenors were the de facto masters of the territory, with the Ezoan governors generally being bullied into consenting to their programs. Since the fall of SNOR, however, the Ezoan governors have taken a far more independant stance, backed now by the entire Japanese Empire, while Primorye's authority has been weakened by the fall of a strong central Russian government. It is generally held that the present situation cannot last long, the only question being how the matter will be resolved, whether peacefully or by war, and whether by granting the residents of the area greater internal autonomy and a more unified government, or by one side ceding or losing its authority.

Russian analysts believe Japan is merely trying to stir up a conflict in order to settle this issue once and forever.

Russo-Japanese relations have been sour ever since Ezo withdrew from the snorist bloc of nations in 1991. Two weeks ago, the situation deteriorated after a Japanese fisherman from the area had been shot dead by a Primoryan patrol, just outside the territorial waters of the condominium area. Three other fishermen were detained by Primorye and have still not been released yet. The Primoryan patrol boat opened fire on the Japanese vessel after it was found in Primoryan waters and refused to stop, according to Russian media. The coast guard insisted that the vessel defied several orders to stop and made dangerous manoeuvres, according to the ITARF news agency.