Mardzej, 6 nowiębrze 2007 o.

Bambaryła tired of accusations

MIAMI — Governor-general Jużeń Bambaryła is tired of all the false accusations directed at his person in the foreign press. “It is preposterous”, he told our reporter in an interview this morning. “I've been doing this job for almost sixteen months now, and all I've been hearing is criticism, criticism, criticism. I am sick of it!”

About a number of untruthful articles, publiced last week by the BBC, among others regarding the situation in our temporary relocation camps, Bambaryła noted: “I used to think of the BBC as a fairly independent and honourable broadcasting station. But now, seeing what evil kind of lies they are disseminating, I know better. And the worst thing is: they don't even hesitate to tell the folks our press is not free. We, the country with the longest tradition of democracy and free press in the world, a country that has always upheld the values of personal freedom. I don't know on whose payroll they are, but I can tell you this: they are spreading the worst kind of propaganda possible.”

“Our job here is far from easy. As if rebuilding a devastated country weren't hard enough, we have to deal with armed pockets of former buszyści and other bandits, supported both militarily and financially by foreign powers and backed by imperialist countries that want Florida for themselves. And the so-called free press in those countries is paying tribute to their governments' colonial endeavours, trying to discredit us by accusing us of the weirdest things one can imagine.”

“Any journalist from any country is welcome to come and see for himself what the conditions in our temporary relocation camps are really like. They will be astonished to see what we have accomplished here, how beautiful our cities have become, and how much the people of Florida appreciate our work. I will happily show them the truth; I'm even willing to give them a guided tour personally.”

High-ranking bushist official arrested

PAŁMOLITU OSZCZEDZIĘTAŁY (West Palm Beach) — A major success was accomplished yesterday evening with the arrestation of Silverio Gonzalez-Morales, a former professor of history at the University de las Caribbeas. “This is a very important accomplishment indeed”, colonel Andrzej Sasiny of the CzBAF1 said on a press conference this morning.

“Gonzalez-Morales was a major associate of the Bush regime, a pseudo-scientist who poisoned the minds of Florida's youth for many years with lies and bushist propaganda. Three years ago, he deliberately blew up his house, not only for the insurance money, but also in order to disappear quietly from the scene and go unnoticed as an anonymous inhabitant of one of our temporary relocation camps near the Everglades. He abused our hospitality, spreading bushist propaganda among its inhabitants and trying to stir up a rebellion against us. We have reason to believe he also was a high-ranking agent of the NAL, acting as a liaison officer between them and the bushist underground.”

“Thankfully, it was the BBC that put us on his trail. Yesterday night, a team of commandos caught him by surprise in the camp. He surrendered without much resistance before being pulled into our arrestation van. We currently hold him on a secret location for questioning. We believe he can provide us with valuable information regarding his allies.”

“Good riddance”, says Laura Gonzaga, one of his closest neighbours in the camp. “Silverio was a weirdo, a really frustrated man. We all felt there was something wrong with him. He never talked much about his past. Of course not, he was ashamed of it. But what we really hated him for was that he always had something to complain about our benefactors from the RTC. He constantly wanted us to conspire against them, making a fuss about virtually everything, but of course no one would believe him. I'm glad he's finally gone now.”

Her husband Carlos nods in agreement. “A troublemaker. Can't have that kind of people around here. I hope he's going to be tortured”, he says, giving his wife a loving smile and lighting his pipe. “Sooner or later, democracy will prevail here in Florida, thanks to the RTC.”

1 Centrały Biuro Antyterroryski en Florydzie – Central Bureau against Terrorism in Florida