Łyńdzej, 19 jąwarze 2009 o.

EDITORIAL — What is going on in Florida???

“Cuatro kód???” – Jużeń Bambaryła appeared honestly surprised when he first heard about the Commonwealth of Cuatro Palmas. And indeed, the man who has been governor-general of Southeast Florida for 2½ year now, does not seem to have the faintest clue regarding the actual ongoings in the country he is supposed to be governing. He does not even seem to notice that his zone of occupation is slowly falling apart. Instead, as his critics overseas claim, he has been indulging in banquets, drinking bouts, excessive luxury and private meetings with expensive prostitutes most of the time. How is it possible that a corrupt politician with less than reputable habits, a criminal record and obvious connections to the Olęca Siekrzota keeps ignoring his tasks and yet is still allowed by the government to stay in function?

“It's an obvious example of our current government's general incompetence”, prof. Żowan Sasomętany of the Civil Initiative Against The Occupation Of Florida told us. “They make lots of noise about fighting corruption, but as we all know, they use it merely as a tool to eliminate their own political adversaries. Bambaryła is a faithful companion of chancellor Janać and his brother Kazimierz. As long as he doesn't cross their plans, and as long as he doesn't gain too much popularity, he can do as he pleases. Our BCKK [Central Bureau Against Corruption] is much too occupied with persecuting left-wing politicians who may or may not have been taking small bribes. And meanwhile things in Florida are getting from bad to worse.”

Yet, this last thing has not gone completely unnoticed in Warsina. Since the second half of 2007, rumours about growing guerrilla activity have been persistent. In January 2008, the Sejm decided to appoint a commission to investigate the situation in Florida. Its conclusions led to the dismissal of minister of Floridian Affairs Paweł Bościciału in October, and his replacement by Jaków Puliny, a notorious hardliner from the ranks of the ŻŻŻ, who lacks any reported knowledge about the situation in Florida. Obviously, this solution has not worked out well. Not surprisingly, of course. After all, how can one minor shift within the government change the moods of nine million people overseas?

In Miami, nothing seems to have changed at all. Governor-general Bambaryła's official stance remains the same: the Floridians are, and always have been, madly in love with us, and there is “no appreciable guerrila activity beyond small bands of ill-equipped and failing rebels hiding out in the swamps”. Every Floridian citizen who displays the weakest ambition to stand up for his nation is mercilessly coined a “buszysta” and will in all probability be locked up in one of the over-filled prisons within days. What Bambaryła and his cronies have failed to notice, is that during the last two years a dynamic underground movement has emerged, supported by a large part of the population and determined to liberate their country from the Republic's neo-colonial rule. During the last month, no less than four regions in the North of our occupation zone declared their independence, but from the governor-general's office nothing but silence. Until yesterday, when Bambaryła declared: “We receive this kind of declarations on a daily base. Do you really think we have the time to look into all of them? Since we installed local self-government two years ago, it happens regularly that some local bobo declares his village. Usually with utter disregard for the interests of the people, but what do they care? But then, that's the price of democracy! We simply couldn't avoid that some people were misguided and elected buszystas in disguise into their councils. Well, some people have criticised us for that, but I still maintain that we have chosen the right path. We promised to bring democracy to Florida, and so that's what they are getting. You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.”

“In any case”, he added, “we cannot tolerate any infringement on our territorial integrity. Florida is integral RTC territory and will remain so forever. Those self-proclaimed local heroes are acting on behalf of foreign powers, and will be dealt with soon.” This is also official government policy. According to the transition schedule worked out by the ministry of Floridian affairs, Florida should have been transformed into five regular RTC provinces by January 1, 2010.

How this date is going to be achieved remains to be seen. Obviously, the governor-general himself is not a reliable guarantee for success. Neither his numerous prisons nor his reported death squads have been able to stop a revolt in Florida. Mr. Bambaryła has clearly failed on all fronts. To avoid our Floridian adventure from turning into a disaster, he should be removed from his office as quickly as possible and be replaced by a sensible person who believes in dialogue, not in violence.