Jódzej, 5 marce 2009 o.

Bambaryła in trouble

MIAMI — The position of governor-general Jużeń Bambaryła of Southeast Florida has become precarious after the rumours about a secret transaction with the Greek Empire have gained credibility. On February 20, the Wiortać Popłu was the first to reveal rumours that the governor-general would have sold the entire island of Artesia to an unspecified Greek delegation. On Tuesday, the Floridian newspaper El Pais de Las Palmas published a coded message that was intercepted last Saturday from the emperor to the military commander of the island. Yesterday, a team of independent experts established that the incriminating message is authentic.

Of particular importance are the following sentences: „Greetings to General Bambaryła from Constantine. I'm first going to come out and say; yes, we shall consider the deal made between our agents complete. The island purchased by Greece will in fact become a colony of Greece, as we had discussed. Your agents indicated that before the war, the area was home to resorts and social clubs of some sort; it is our intention to construct a new resort in the island. One more 'happy' note: I'd like to say now that Greece has what it needs from the RTC, any further discussions will be over. I'd like to extend hands of friendship to the NAL, Ireland, and the Four Palms, our new neighbours. It doesn't end there. We plan to extend some foreign aid, weapons, and like materiel to the Four Palms, also recognizing the 4 Palms as an independent nation from the RTC. Hopefully we can balance colonialism with keeping the majority of the world happy on this, especialy the locals.”

The transfer has placed the Republic in the center of negative international attention. Several countries in the region have recognised the Commonwealth of Four Palms, or expressed the intention of shortly doing so. The island of Artesia is part of what the latter considers part of its territory. The Irish government in Cill Chainnigh has declared that it will „stand firm for the Commonwealth of Four Palms” and secure its territorial integrity by any means necessary. Greece is furious about what it now calls „a fraudulent deal”, and has announced that it will do anything to make sure that Bambaryła will be captured and brought before an American-Irish-Floridian court.

OLD-chief Wójt Olanik said: „It is unacceptable that one man can drag an entire country into a war, all on this own. We demand that the government take firm steps to put an end to this sick situation.”

„If all this is true, Mr. Bambaryła should be recalled from Florida immediately and brought to trial”, vice-marshall Bartłomiej Czeliny of the Sejm reacted. „His position clearly does not entitle him to sell RTC territory to a foreign power, especially if this territory is under international dispute.”

The government appears to be confused about the situation. Foreign minister Bościciału said on WRW1 today: „All I can say about this is that I am very, very worried. We have no information at all about Artesia being the governor-general's private property, nor about the alleged sale of the island to Greece. This matter will have to be researched thoroughly before we can jump to conclusions.”

Entirely different was the response of the minister of Colonies, Jaków Puliny: „I repeat it again: there is no such thing as a Republic of the Four Palms. The name alone looks like a cheap parody of our Republic. No foreign power has any business recognising parts of our sovereign territory as independent.” Regarding the sale of Artesia Puliny said: „If the island was really the governor-general's private property, he can sell it to anybody he wants. But then, there is no evidence whatsoever that this whole story is anything but a rumour. People shouldn't believe anything written by some obscure local newspaper, especially if it's being sponsored by the bushist underground”, he told the press this morning.

Chancellor Janać has been unavailable for comment.